Moles, Voles, Gophers & Ground Squirrels – Oh My!

Yes, I know that these fuzzy little rodents have been glamorized in many a light-hearted film and print media, not to mention the iconic songsters lead by the rebel “Alvin”. BUT….. at my house these guys are a royal PAIN. Two years ago my yard, my veggie garden, my roses and flower beds showed no signs of the little critters, but beginning last summer they moved in with full force.  I live on acreage, so there should be room for everyone but no, overnight the once level soil nearest the house turned lumpy and plants started sinking or falling over as the ambitious miners tunnelled their way through uncharted territory. With no respect for my efforts to practice envirnomentally friendly gardening procedures (so that I wouldn’t poison the soil or the large wild bird population that stops by for their daily rations), these disrepectful brown-nosers have turned me into a raving lunatic.  I’m sure the neighbors get quite a kick out of watching me stomp the ground like a 2 yr old in the throws of a temper tantrum as I crush the multiple paths througout the flower beds.  They will even see me slapping the ground with a shovel every once in a while which I’m sure causes snickers of laughter from the on-lookers as well as the underground perpretators. 

Well…NO MORE!  After replacing about $300 worth of plants this spring – I’ve had it.   I’m pulling out the big guns.  We’ve heard that they don’t like vibration so we have dotted our fence line with windmills, we’ve tried smoking them out by opening up the tunnels and sending burning Sulfur down the runs, and a friend of ours has even purchased an impliment of destruction called the “Rodenator” that sends propane down the holes and then is set on fire to blow everything up!  (Remind you of Bill Murray?)  So now that I have even larger holes in my yard than what the rotten little rodents caused – I’m reduced to chemical warfare.  I know it’s not PC and I hope I don’t encourage the mutation of my bird population – but my patience and pocketbook have gotten the best of me….

DIE YOU BASTARDS…DIE!